Freakin’ Conformist

On this day 5 years ago, I was fired. It wasn’t pretty and it sucked ass. I wasn’t happy there, but I also wasn’t giving up. It caught me off guard in the dirtiest way. I did all the things I was “supposed” to do – talked like them, dressed like them, agreed with them, played their game under their rules – and it still wasn’t good enough.

Afterwards, my confidence was dunzo. I was feeling so worthless. I had no idea who I was anymore.

Why are we programmed to believe that our value, our identity, our lives are determined by our job, connections, and position among people who are only loyal while they have use for us?

Anyways, after I peeled myself out of the hole I was in, I worked on a few things and I’m happy to say – I still have no clue!

But, it’s not all bad. Through some of the bumps I’ve hit along the road, I’ve grown some courage to walk away in the same manner as someone would go about firing me. You see, I’ve worked really hard to be good at what I do. If someone doesn’t see the value in me, or treats me like my time isn’t important, they just don’t deserve me.

I don’t belong in so many places and with so many people. I’m not sure of anything. But I’m trying to learn to stop judging myself in such ugly ways. I’m trying to be a little kinder to me.

One thing I do know – I’m done with people who drain my soul.