Last year right about this time, I was broken. I lost who I thought I was. I lost my muchness. I allowed others to dull my shine because I was looking for validation. I started 2022 just trying to keep my head above the water and it ended up being a year of survival. Seriously, all the way to the end. The year totally sucked.
But, 2022 wasn’t all bad. In my survival mode, I stood up for myself. I walked away from things that weren’t for me and things that were weighing me down. I took a chance on me. So far, it’s shown to be a good decision!
I don’t believe in resolutions for the new year. I feel like it’s short-lived wishes that wash away as soon as the newness of the year fades away. So screw that noise!
Instead, I’ve been working on new goals. I’ve been finding the time to help Aria with her homework, while I work on my art projects. I’ve been encouraging my husband a little more in the things he’s got going on. I’m letting go of responsibilities to outsiders so that I can be more present for my people. I’m letting go of people who only said they had my back, but never really intended to be there. I’m finding appreciation for the people who are truly in my corner. My tribe is so small, but they are my people and they deserve all the goodness I can give them.
More than anything, I’ve been trying to be nicer to me. It’s no secret, most days I can’t stand myself. The noise in my head screams so loud. I’ve spent so much time waiting for permission and looking for acceptance and validation, but I don’t even know from who anymore. I’m reminding myself to create for me. Not everything I do needs to come with a dollar sign. I’m trying to accept that I can age gracefully. There are people who are not afforded that luxury.
I’m taking the tiny bits of good left behind by the shatters of my life. I’m looking for the happy spaces even if it means making them myself.
Midnight Revelry 
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