I Think About You All The Time

I think about how later this year you would’ve been turning 16.

Yesterday your Daddy bought tickets for himself and your little sister to go visit our family in New Jersey. You’d be old enough to stay with your grandparents for the summer if you’d have liked to. I think about how you probably would’ve been best friends with your cousins.

I think about all the things you’d be going through in high school. All the heartbreaks, the growing pains, the achievements, the lessons, and the things that would make you the person you’d be.

I wonder if you would’ve been an athlete, or a musician, or a gamer, or a writer, or an artist, or a math whiz. I wonder if you’d have a bunch of little girlfriends that would’ve made me roll my eyes too much. Or maybe you’d be a shy kid. Maybe you’d be out raising hell with your friends every weekend.

I look at all the things we do with your little sister and wonder where you would’ve fit into all of it. Would you have been a protective big brother, or would you have been totally rotten to her?

I think about when it happened, Daddy and I had so much growing up to do. Would I have been the Mommy you needed me to be? How many things would we have fought about by now?

And after all this time, I think about how is it possible to miss someone so much when we never even had a chance?