The Problem This Year

I’ve been known to rave about my perfect, precious child and how amazing she is. Well, Aria is human and not without fault. As the school year is coming to an end, I’m reflecting on things we’ve learned and how she’s growing into her own person.

One thing that has been a continuous problem this year is that she doesn’t tell us stuff. There’s been a few times when she has had a problem or something has happened, and she doesn’t tell us right away. She thinks she’s going to be in trouble, so she just doesn’t tell us. Later, when things have gone too far, that’s when she finally says something. Vince and I have told her repeatedly that she needs to tell us right away when something happens. We explain to her that if she doesn’t tell us these things, we can’t help her.

Growing up, I had no choice but to hide things because anything that ever happened to me somehow became my fault.

• I shouldn’t have been there.
• I shouldn’t have said that.
• I should’ve done something else.
• I shouldn’t have stepped out of line.
• I should’ve been smarter.

Especially when it came to school stuff. There were times teachers accused me of something, and my mom didn’t even care what I had to say or even gave me a chance. The fact that she was even called into the school was just embarrassing. You have no idea how many times being a good girl actually backfired on me.

There were so many times in my life that things happened to me and I just bottled it up. Because if my mom got into it, it was gonna’ become a thing – A BIG THING. Then, like magic, everyone and their mother was going to be talking about it, and that was going to be embarrassing. Not for me, but for her. It’s the saddest situation to go home and feel like everyone is against you because you’re not perfect.

I don’t want my child to ever go through that. I work so hard to let Aria know I am on her team and I’ve got her back for always. All others be damned. I want my child to know she has the freedom to make her own decisions and grow to be the person she’s meant to be. I don’t want her to ever feel like she’s alone.

After school yesterday, Aria confessed to something that happened way at the beginning of the year. Vince and I told her yet again, that she should’ve told us when it first happened so that we could’ve tried to do something to help her. She cried.

Afterwards I felt bad and took her out for her favorite boba. While we waited for our drinks I explained to her that we weren’t mad about what happened. We’re upset that she didn’t tell us. My thing is, if she can’t tell us these little things now, I’m scared she won’t have the confidence to tell us the big things when she really will need our help.

So anyways, yeah, I’m feeling crummy today.