Why It’s A Big Deal

At this year’s Adobe MAX, they offered professional certification testing for some of their applications. During the very first class I took, the instructor repeatedly encouraged us to take at least one exam. Even if we didn’t pass, at least we’d have an idea of what the test is like. The next day I decided not to go to one of my scheduled classes so that I could get in the waitlist line to try to get into a testing session.

I got into the second session I waited for. I wasn’t expecting much from myself. I was totally winging it. I knew I was not ready to take a test of any kind. I figured the exam would be asking obscure stuff that only super-knowledgeable designers would know about. Also, I’m not a good test taker. Sometimes no matter how much I study, at test time my brain goes blank. Yeah, I’m one of those people.

I decided to take the Adobe Illustrator exam since I am a graphic designer and that’s my most used app. When I started the test, the first question had to do color wheels. I quickly found myself back in Mr. Beadles class trying to remember analogous and complimentary colors. From there, I hit the dreaded mental block. Seriously. My brain just broke. There were questions that I was like, “WTF are they talking about?” As I was going through the questions, I was sure I missed so many of them. Hell, I even ran out of time and didn’t get to answer the last question! I was a bit disappointed in myself, but I tried my best.

After I submitted the exam, I immediately got my score – I PASSED. I was shocked! I guess I knew more than I thought I knew.

I had to contain my excitement as I walked over to the checkout table. I told the lady I passed the Illustrator exam. She congratulated me, gave me a badge and other Adobe Certified Professional swag. Then she told me that if I would go back to do the Photoshop exam, I could earn the Visual Design certification as well. I said, “Okay, I’ll think about it.” She smiled and said, “I really hope you do come back.”

That night I really did think about it. I figured if I could pass Illustrator, I should be able to pass Photoshop since I’ve been a user for years. I looked over my schedule and figured I could skip my first session and try the waitlist line again.

The next morning, sure enough, I was able to get in to take the exam. As I settled in, I told the voices in my head to calm down and focus because I had to do this for ME. I felt so much better about this exam. I flew through the questions and completed the skills portion with 12 minutes remaining. I hit submit and saw that I PASSED! I collected my 3 badges, more swag and went about enjoying the rest of the convention.

As I walked out of that exam room, I was seriously giddy and happy with myself. By passing these exams and earning these certs, I proved it to myself – I’m not a total amateur anymore.

You see, I suffer from the worst imposter syndrome. I always feel like I’m way behind. Like there are people out there more knowledgeable than me. I feel like people are going to see through me and see the giant mess living underneath.

But THIS. It’s like this is ME showing MYSELF that I am good enough. It’s no longer me just wishing for this to work out for me. This is my sign showing me that I DO BELONG HERE.